So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize