I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
