Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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