Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
