Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Randomize
