I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Alive.
So much puke
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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