I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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