Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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