I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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