that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
