I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We were destined to go to rehab together
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
