I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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