Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize