Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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