what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
