no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
