There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
