Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
