I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
