At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
