those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
