Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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