Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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