There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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