It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
