what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
