I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
