my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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