dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
