When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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