I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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