Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
