I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
