You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize