Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
