i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
