Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
