Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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