she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
