Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How's work?
Spinning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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