I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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