wrigley field is MILF paradise
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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