i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
