So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
