dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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