HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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