i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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