Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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