..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
