Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
