He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
