I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I could fuck to npr.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
