hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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