My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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