eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
