and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
