I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
