I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
