I am spending my child support on dildos
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
