Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize