just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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