oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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