Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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