.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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