then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
