Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
