Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
