you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
